Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
