people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
