It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
