Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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