Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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