He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
