bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
