there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
