I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
