He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
