I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
