you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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