just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
