I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
