I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Welp...herpes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
