I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
