can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
