do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
did i just pee glitter
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
