I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
