Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
