My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
