Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
