Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
