my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
