hotel room ftw
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
