And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
false alarm, still single
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
