He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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