He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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