If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
