drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
