You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
