I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
