Just cropdusted the office
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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