I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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