I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Semen is not good for contacts.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
