it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
