Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
