i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
