i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
