how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
