Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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