Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't want my vagina anymore.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
