The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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