I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
