wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
