I don't usually arrange sex via text message
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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