How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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