They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
