New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
