I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
