I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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