yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
