I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
