bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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