Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
