ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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