tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
