she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
third nipple confirmed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
