AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
