I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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