It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
