tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
