Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
